This is a topic I feel like not a lot of people want to talk about even though it is something we all go through. Pain and grief can sprout from many things but I think that the root of all pain and grief is love and expectations.
The months March, April and May has been very hard for me for a long time. There are many birthdays going on, sure. But mostly I'm reminded that some of my loved ones aren't here in physical form anymore. I laugh and cry so hard during this time. So why not give us a little solace and talk about pain and grief.
I love how Khalil Gibran put it in The Prophet.
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain."
Undoubtedly, pain feels like we are breaking, like we are being torn down. But also with that comes newness and change. This newness can bring along doubt. We'll start to question ourselves and how we will go on after something that has hurt us so deeply. He goes on to say --
"And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief."
This is where the change comes in. We can look at the same patch of grass all our lives. We would expect the rain to keep watering this patch and we could continue to watch and maybe even frolic within it. But then the rain turns to snow and we feel this weight in our chest. Some of us will cry that the patch is gone. But we can change our perspective and see that it is only winter and we can see the patch as anew. Spring and summer will come again, but so will the winter. This is an example of change because with that change comes acceptance. I encourage you to read the rest of the passage. He talks more about what pain is and how to look at it differently.
Something else I've found helpful in life is the saying "pain is like a boulder that seems too heavy to carry". The way I was told about it is with time our hands, gently, will smooth the boulder into a pebble with time. But actually, I think that it is not the boulder that has gotten smaller, it is me who has gotten stronger, strong enough to carry this around. I'm not diminishing my pain. Just with time and support, like any other muscle, it can be easier to carry around in my pocket.
That's it! Thanks for reading this far and I hope this helps.